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Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Borrowers

The Borrowers are living in my house.  I think they’ve been here for years, and I just didn’t realize it.  I’m sure that all of you readers know who the Borrowers are.  They’re the wee, tiny people who live in secret areas of certain people’s houses and ‘borrow’ things from those people whenever they need something.  They are supposed to be fictional – just made up by somebody for a book.  Well, I can assure you that they’re no fantasy; no way; no how; no sir-ee.  They’re here in my house right now. 
For years the joke around our house has been that “if Mama put it up, it’s lost.”  I never thought that was funny, but I did have to face reality.  Nine times out of ten, if I put something up, it would always be hard to find – that is if it was ever found. That never seemed to happen to my husband, who (with his 160 + I.Q) never forgets anything.
The fact that he never forgets anything is why I’m convinced that the Borrowers are living here.  A few months ago, our hot water heater went out and had to be replaced.  It’s located in the back part of a closet in our main hallway. In order to get to the hot water heater, we had to take everything out of that closet and put those things somewhere.  I had no hand in that….just to make everything clear here.
Well, when I say everything was taken out of that closet, I forgot to mention the fact that everything was in that closet!  Do you have a closet in your house that you’re afraid to open for fear of what might fall out and hit you?  Well, we do – and that’s the one. So, it was difficult to find places to store all of that ‘stuff’ as we worked on putting in the new hot water heater.
After the job was completed, the vision of this wonderfully empty and organized closet was pure delight. We’ve been so pleased with the fact that the closet is now clean and empty that we’ve been procrastinating in our efforts to put things back.  We’ve actually thrown out many things, given stuff to the Goodwill, recycled some things, and really tried to get better organized before putting things back.  However, as we’ve begun to put things back in the closet, we’ve realized that some things appear to be missing. 
How can that be?
I realized the true depth of this dilemma a couple of weeks ago, when I started looking for my small table-top ironing board that I needed to iron a new blouse that I had just washed.  I can’t find it.  So I started looking for the ironing pad that you can use on a table or bed…can’t find that either!  But here’s the best part; I spent days looking for those two things and finally decided to bite the bullet and set up my big ironing board (I do know where that is), but I can’t find my iron!
The Borrowers must have taken my ironing pad, my small ironing board, and my iron!  And to top that off, they took a small Limoges plate that I had taken out of my china cabinet to put with some things that I plan to sell at auction. That’s missing, too, and it wasn't even in that closet. I clearly remember taking that plate out of the china cabinet and thought I remembered where I put it. I even told my husband about it. It’s not there.  Furthermore, nobody has been in our house over this time period that could or would take any of those things.
Now, emphasizing once again how smart my husband is, he doesn’t remember where any of those things are either. He vaguely remembers my telling him about the plate, and he also remembers taking those things out of the closet.  It goes blank for him at that point, so that’s why I’m convinced that the Borrowers did it.  My husband could never forget anything. Right?  So…point made.
I’m afraid to even imagine how many things might be missing that we forgot we put in that closet, but I’m pretty sure that those irritating little Borrowers have been the ones who’ve taken all those socks over the years and the myriad of other missing objects.  Had to be them…
I guess the little people needed to iron some things, too, but if I find out where they’ve been hiding out, they’d better beware!  Of course, I’d never do any harm to them.  I’d just kick them out on their rumps.
But before I do that, please give me my iron back!